Okay, say you’re in your mid-to-late twenties, no longer in school and you don’t like your coworkers (mixing friends with business isn’t always the greatest of ideas), but you’re feeling a little lonely, especially on Monday nights when your partner is playing online games with his friends. What do you do with yourself? Sure you could take up knitting, use the time to read, and maybe work on your blog, but what if you actually want to see people? Not only see people but actually, talk to them about things you both find something exciting and fun.

In school, most of your friendships are based on location and seeing them every day. This is a great and easy way to make friends. Some of these friendships even last after school is over and you don’t see them every day anymore. So how about making new friends when not in this situation? Maybe you see them sort of every day because they live in your apartment complex, but you don’t know if you would actually get along and you don’t want to be weird and just leave a note. Right? WRONG!

The most important thing when it comes to making new friends is to put yourself out there. You find one thing you might have in common, and you capitalize on that. The worst they can do is say no. Then you just nod, say okay, and move on.

If you want a friend IRL – not one you meet in your super niche online chat – you have to lean into what you like and just talk about it. Starting up a new friendship is just like dating, except you don’t have to think about if you should kiss goodbye on the first date. You ask questions to get to know each other, you laugh and smile when you’re having a good time, and you listen to what they have to say. Afterward, be honest with yourself. Is this someone I could spend my free time with? Is this someone I can invite out to brunch with? Are they nice? Would my partner like them and not be upset if they came home and found us watching tv and drinking wine? This is the same sort of process you go through with school, you are just a little more in touch with yourself.

By this point in your life, you are relatively set in your ways. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.